As you know, I have been on a journey over the last few months to get my weight back in control....again. I post updates about the things I do, the things I eat, and my struggles.
When Mitch was away on deployment last year, I worked hard and lost 20 pounds. It was no small deal. I was so proud of myself. I looked and felt amazing. Shortly after he came home, I started gaining again. I chalked it up to him being home and us being happy and comfortable.
Then, we started working out again in May. I'm finally starting to see some real results. Great, right? Well....
I've been thinking lately about how it seems like every time I get down to my "happy place" in weight loss, I end up sabotaging myself and putting the weight back on. Lately, I've been trying to pinpoint why I do that.
A couple of days ago, I had a girlfriend over and I was explaining to her about how excited I am about the new workout program that we have been doing, and I mentioned that I decided to take us to 100% whole foods and that I was sticking my toes into the paleo pool. I told her that, since deciding 4 days earlier to go grain, gluten, and dairy free, I had lost 3 pounds! This is exciting for me! Her response though, instead of being happy for me, was to say "Well jeez! Don't you think you're skinny enough already?? You don't need to lose anymore weight!"
This was the moment that I realized the trigger for my self sabotage. People. I'm a people pleaser. Whenever I get to a weight where other people start to tell me that "you're too thin" or "you don't need to lose anymore weight", I start to believe them. I start to think that maybe I am starting to look unhealthy or too thin. What happens next is sad. I stop working towards my goals, I start eating more, and before I know it, the weight is back and I am depressed about life.
So, to those of you out there who feel like you need to tell me your opinion on the way my body looks, please stop and think about these things first:
- I weigh 138 pounds. This is a perfectly healthy weight for me! I am nowhere near too thin and I never will be. Why? Because I love myself and I love FOOD!
- I get up every morning between 5:00 and 5:30 and I work out. I don't just work out. I work my ass off. I put drive and effort into every drop of sweat, every calorie, and every ounce of fat that I shred off of these hips. I'm not trying to be a skinny girl. I'm trying to be a strong girl. Weight loss is just a bonus.
- I eat. I mean, I really love food. I eat at least 1,400 calories a day. When I work out, it's closer to 1,800 a day. I track my calories. I know what goes in my body and it's not garbage. That's why I can eat so much and still manage to lose weight.
- It's not about losing weight. It's about being a better version of me.
So please, I know that most of you say it either out of concern or it's some backwards way of complimenting my success, but it hurts me. If you feel the need to say anything, just tell me that I'm looking great and that you're proud of my success. Let me be the one who decides when I reach my goals. This goes for anyone else in your life who might be going through the same battles as I am.
This is as simple as the good ol' Golden Rule. If you can't say anything nice, please don't say anything at all!
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